I wrote a piece for Writer's Group this morning about spiritual connections. and all day it's been coming back on me.
I watched my NetFlix choice, Melville's 'Second Breath, a 'heist film' that transcends heist films films and had me grabbing for my gun. Melville knows how people kill each other with firearms, and it is the scariest movie I've seen since TO HELL AND BACK.
The really weird part is this: I went writing at the coffee shop this morning about living in the spiritually different world of the Central American immigrants I got exposed to while I met Ray Bradbury, and came home to read the news discovering the Oakland cop killings with two (TWO!) motorcycle cops shot through their helmets, echoing the police killings in Melville's movie in which two French motorcycle cops are shot in their helmets. In one brief shot (film) blood is seen coming out of one cop's helmet. Reading the report of a barbershop employee he ran up to one cop and stated, "I saw blood coming out of his helmet".
I NEVER watch movies like this, for good reason, and I'm baffled as to how I was watching a movie about two motorcycle cops getting shot in their helmets at the same time two Oakland cops were getting smoked on the street.
I'm kind of freaked out. I'm having a convergence, and this is not the only convergence. It's been going on all day. I think I need to either go back to the Balkans or just... I don't know what. I ned to get back there right now, for some reason. I have to. There is something really wrong.
It's too much.
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Why back to the Balkans? Did it seem to make sense there? Did you fit in, as it were? Did you seem closer to your perceived destiny or anything so metaphysical there? Was the savagery more open and honest? I can't relate, just trying to understand as best I can.
ReplyDeleteYes, it made total sense there, and I did not fit in as I did not intermarry. This is always a requirement.
ReplyDeleteMy perceived destiny? Yes. I found that I was not what I had been programmed or taught to believe I was supposed to be.
Metaphysical? Yes. I saw ancient ghosts that most dumbass military never sees. I HATE buttfucking, FAGGOT military with no more fucking handle on their environment than shooting guns in strange places. FUCK THEM. I have NO RESPECT whatsoever with 'soldiers' who think they want to shoot somebody. War is a planeride away; however, you, fuckhead, may have to change. If you don't want to change, I hope you step on an Italian-made landmine.
No, it was not more open and honest as far as artificial recording. There were NO photographs taken, no video. It had to do with what you recalled organically, and I did not tell anyone I recalled anything other than what what acceptable at the time; which resulted in my remembering being someone else.
The Balkans? I felt important. I was important. I was a valuable person at that point in that country's history. I had a US passport and could travel back and forth across a border. I was very, very valuable.
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I did not make a career out of it, as I discarded my actual worth (which baffled my friends) and embarked on a campaign of war, mostly to see if I could do it.
I could, but I also learned the inevitable consequence of human conflict: terror, death, moral compromise, and failure.